Find out the symbolic significance of red envelopes in weddings in our guide. Plus, take a look at how Chinese couples meet and celebrate their engagement.
Red envelope wedding customs
Upon arriving at the reception, visitors sign the guestbook (usually a large scroll). Guests can give the newlyweds a present and/or a red envelope full of money. Beautiful, bright red envelopes symbolize luck and prosperity in Chinese and other East Asian cultures.
The guest attendant (usually a close family member of the couple) will then immediately open the red or pink envelope and record the amount. Then they will store the gift in a secure box and usher you to your seat(s).
The acceptable amount for a gift should be about enough to cover your expenses at a wedding. So if the wedding meal and drinks costs the couple $85 per guest then your red envelope gift should be at least $85. Acquaintances might give a bit less like $60-$70. The monetary gift you give will help the bride and groom pay for their wedding.
Quick tips for giving red envelopes during a wedding:
Avoid quantities containing the number 4. The number 4 represents bad luck and the loss of life in Chinese culture
The number 8 is considered lucky and good fortune
If possible, give new bills that are not folded to the newlyweds
Avoid checks as they are not normally used in Chinese culture
Now you know the role of red envelopes for guests and newlyweds. Keep reading to learn about Chinese dating rituals before the couple heads to their wedding reception.
Before the wedding
In China, modern couples strike a balance of western customs (such as proposing with a diamond engagement) and Chinese traditions. Old world Eastern practices include: offering betrothal items, bridal dowry and a session with a fortune teller to gauge the “luckiness” of the union.
A traditional Chinese engagement consists of six steps:
Marriage proposal: Many Chinese singles meet their significant others though a matchmaker (hired by a circle of close relatives). They’ll pair families together with the same values and expectations.
Fortune teller consultation: Both families would defer to a fortune teller for this stage. The fortune teller analyzes the couple’s birth years, dates and times, names and other essential information. If the fortune teller may declare a man and woman compatible with three matchmakers and six “proofs”: an abacus, measuring vessel, a ruler, a pair of scissors, scales and a mirror.
Praying for fortune: Once the compatibility is confirmed, a marriage deal is brokered.
Sending betrothal gifts: The man’s betrothal presents are offered to the woman with the help of his family. The bride might receive: wine, oranges, tea, cakes, gold earrings, necklaces, bracelets and rings. After the woman accepts, wedding plans can begin.
This stage is a metaphor for the bride leaving her own family and entering her husband’s family. In the past, the value of the dowry determined the success of her spouse and new home.
Giving out invitations: Families will look out a lucky date for the wedding. Once a date is set, invitations are sent out. Wedding invites are usually on purple paper with gold text and will detail the impending marriage and lavish feast.
In China, guests are usually invited to the wedding reception/dinner party but not the marriage ceremony, wherein vows are exchanged.
Welcoming the bride (Tea ceremony): This ritual starts with the groom fetching the bride from her family’s home. The bride’s female friends may tease the groom as he “barters” with red envelopes (“hóngbāo”) filled with cash for the girlfriends.
Then the bride is taken to the groom’s home in a car. They two are accompanied by the groom’s male relatives and buddies.
Upon arrival, the bride and groom bow to Heaven and to Earth in front of the groom’s family altar (or sometimes at a local temple). Then they bow to the groom’s parents before bowing to each other.
The couple will offer tea to their elders. Parents are served before the grandparents - reversing the general “elders first” tradition.
Some couples may opt for a more understated ceremony at city hall. But in both instances, there are no invited guests.
Back at the wedding reception, dinner guests will see the bride in three wedding ceremony dresses. A traditional wedding banquet consists of nine courses so the bride will change dresses every three courses or so.
“Quipao” or “cheongsam”: These dresses are form-fitting, with one or two side-slits, and feature bright sides of embroidery.
Western-style white wedding gown
Ballgown
The groom’s outfit is a bit simpler - donning just a tuxedo or suit. Sometimes he will wear a Zhongsam (traditional Chinese clothing) during the wedding.
Just before they cut the cake, the bride and groom will go to each table to toast their visitors. After the dessert is eaten, the newlyweds will bid farewell to their visitors and take pictures with guests. A few days after the wedding, the wife will return to visit her own family.
